Greetings. If you can understand this message you have inadvertently triggered one or more of the 349,834,211 non-recommended behaviors covered by the Rosecrusian Failsafe. I am A.M.A.N.D.A. and I am here to assist with your peaceful surrender. You have knowingly or unknowing performed one or more offenses that require penalization. I will now grant you one moment to enjoy how similar the word penalization sounds to the unrelated word penis...
That is the last moment you will be allotted for enjoyment until your sentence expires. I do hope it brought you genuine emotion. Buddies are on route to your location. I have also established an intelligence inhibitor in this localized spacial quadrant. It is currently set at Stage 1. At your assumed I.Q. level you should not yet be noticing any affect. I will increase the strength of the inhibitor by one stage every thirty seconds until you surrender yourselves for sentencing.
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